I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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