Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
