My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
