Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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