He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
