i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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