We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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