he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
