**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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