I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
