Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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