This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
