dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
