THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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