he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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