I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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