Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
