Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
