no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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