He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
