In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
