I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
