dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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