FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
