I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
