i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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