exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
