my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
