You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
