3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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