Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
