I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
