he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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