the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
