the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
