you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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