remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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