I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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