I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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