At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
