T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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