Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
