don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
