Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
