Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
