On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
