I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
