dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
