My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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