Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
